Amusingly Angry Proletariat
Amusingly Angry Proletariat

On Finding Like-Minded Lady Friends (IRL)

Last night I went out for "girls dinner" with a bunch of my female friends, as we do 4-5 times a year. I always drag my feet and hem and haw about it, despite the fact that 3 out of the 5 other dinner-goers are actually in my upcoming wedding, so they are close friends. I love them dearly; they are sweet, kind, fun people who care deeply for those around them. They have empathy and a sense of humor and lovely families. It has taken me years, years to cultivate meaningful female friendships (any friendships, really, I'm rather prickly in real life), and I cherish them. I have to make that clear because what I'm about to say makes me a giant, giant sphincter.

So, returning to last night at dinner... After a 20 minute discussion on why one friend's "dirty truffle-stuffed olive martini" was "slightly orange and spicy!" (I DON'T KNOW, COULD BE THE TABASCO THAT WAS LIKELY LISTED ON THE MENU DESCRIPTION. NO, IT WAS NOT THE TRUFFLE OIL. TRUFFLES ARE FUCKING FUNGUS.) followed by a good 45 minutes on how cathartic and REAL seeing a Tarot reader was from another, I thought I was going to go insane.

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I felt like crawling into the bottom of my Manhattan and just staying there for the duration. (Which, for the record, everyone asked to try because it was "like Madmen," and I of course obliged despite my repeated warnings that it's mostly bourbon. Plus, someone stole my damn cherry - that's the dessert part of that drink, damn you.) I also realized that when I start rambling about politics or science or social justice and everyone is silent (and this is true in my group of friends as a whole, not just the ladies), it's not because they're genuinely interested or captivated, it's because they probably have nothing to add because they only peripherally know what the fuck I'm on about. I must come across like a crazy person.

Mr. Farce mused that perhaps they play into society's low expectations of women, that they're not actually like that, which, instead of heartening me, only served to make me feel even worse - about how frustrated I got, about how horribly critical I am of people I love, about what our society elicits from women.

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I live in a small, liberalservative Connecticut town. There's not a lot in the way of intellectual stimulation, but I realized last night that I desperately need it. This is not to the detriment of my current friendships, I just feel like no matter how many trips I take to the local library or how many civic events I try to participate in, I feel like my grey matter is atrophying.

I joined the local Democratic committee, only to be sorely disappointed (I can be very naive) that there was nothing but infighting, idiocy, and stagnancy. Mr. Farce and I are broke as fuck, so any groups/clubs that require monetary participation are out. I've looked into local book clubs, but they offer reading options along the lines of 50 Shades, which, fine, that's brain candy, but will not suit my needs. I need something rather local, too, since I work insane hours far from home.

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How have you guys gone about seeking friends who meet you on an intellectual level? What have you tried? Or do you just shuffle onto GT like I do because it's the best alternative?

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